dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
