Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
