Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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