He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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