sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My cat gives me a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
