EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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