I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
