My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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