I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
