Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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