I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
