I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize