Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
