3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
