All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
