one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
