I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize