I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
