then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
