Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
