HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
