There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
