She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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