Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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