We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
