do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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