Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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