We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i drank out of a bidet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
