dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dear god my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
