now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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