My first STD was from a foam party
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
