Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
