I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
