Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
