The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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