Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
