I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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