Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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