just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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