My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
