Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
