mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
