hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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