The best revenge is premature balding
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
