Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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