Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
