I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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