I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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