new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize