Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
