You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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