y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
