Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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