My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
