I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
