i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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