only you would photoshop your dick
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
