The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
