I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
