We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize