when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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