Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
