after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
