For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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