I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
