took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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