yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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