just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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