thus making me awesome and them whores
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
jump out the window naked night went bad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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